Nerves

      People keep asking me if I'm nervous about whether I'll get this darn job. Up until today I've honestly replied that I'm really not nervous. I was nervous about the conference yes. And I was so flipping scared at the conference that I wanted to puke half the time. I know that God will guide me down whichever path He wants me on, and I'm ready to serve Him anywhere. Not just in Africa or wherever. But it's difficult you see because I like to look to the future a bit. It's comforting to me to have a plan or to have expectations. The thing is this program has been my plan and my expectation for over a year now. And I'm a big kid now. I've graduated and I'm getting wrinkles and I need health insurance! So for the past few weeks I've been expecting an affirming phone call. People have been reassuring me constantly and I've started to really believe them.
       The crazy thing is that in 2 days my three week waiting period is supposed to be over. Still nothing. It's driving me crazy. So I've been talking to a girl from the conference that applied to the same positions as I did. She comes from a family that is already working for the board. She just completed SEMINARY. She's been guiding her life in this direction not just for one year, but for like a decade!!! Guess what. She was denied the job today. She got an email saying they could not find a job match for her. So now I'm nervous. This girl was super qualified and even had a journalism degree to go along with her seminary. I don't get it. So now I'm just so unsure. If she didn't get one of these jobs it seems to me that there's no way I can get one. Blah. I'm just so tired of waiting.
      Also another dilemma. She emailed someone asking about why she hadn't been contacted yet. I haven't done that. I want to sooooo bad, but I feel like I'm on egg shells here. What if they just forgot about me since I'm not being offered a job, and I'll just never get an email? OR what if they're still deliberating, and then they get another annoying email and that's the deciding factor? Are you starting to sense how much this is getting to me. I need to just stop thinking about it and have patience. I need to keep on trusting in the Lord. God I'm in your hands and I know it. But God... if you could just use those hands to push me a bit in any direction? I'm ready for movement!